I have a character flaw. I admit it openly to whomever reads this, but it’s not a surprise to those closest to me. It’s not even something I’m ashamed of…which is part of the problem.
So, what is it? I discard people who wrong me. The irony of this character flaw from a follower of Christ is that I easily do it to people I love or who claim to love me, yet people I kind of know or who are complete strangers (although I still do it) I mentally attempt to give them the benefit of the doubt more.
That’s why I love God. He holds up the mirror of himself to us, who are made in his image, when our flesh conflicts with HIS character. So, this character flaw, which God is constantly pruning in me, is not justified by God’s standard of holiness no matter how I try to spin it with my flawed “righteousness” (see last week’s post on pruning—https://www.melanieharper.com/being-pruned-by-god/ —to understand what I mean by “pruning.”).
Y’all know what I mean by “flawed righteousness” because I’m sure you’ve walked in it too. If you don’t, it means pretending to walk in God’s righteous in a way not befitting Christ-like love. So, if I know a family member or friend’s actions are unwarranted, my internal dialogue will be something like, “YOU were wrong, so ok, you ain’t NEVA gotta see me again. I shake the dust of you off my feet!” or “Um, I did nothing to you, sounds like a ‘you’ problem to me. There is now no longer any condemnation for me! ” or “Yeah, you just got moved to the ‘loving you from afar’ list.” Ha!
For strangers or people I kind of know, my internal dialogue is slightly more forgiving, yet just as discarding. It goes something like this, “Aww, they think I care how they feel. I’ll pray for them.” or “I’ll give them over to the Lord cuz this is the last time they’ll interact with me.” or “Lord, let me reflect you right now and hold the words that are on the tip of my tongue.” smh…
You get the point! None of that internal dialogue is indicative of how God has called us to love people. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying being holy means we don’t recognize wrong or we shouldn’t hold people accountable for wrongdoing. I’m saying, as ambassadors of Christ, we represent Christ in a fallen world. And, representation means we reflect him…even despite ourselves.
This became even clearer to me when I washed clothes this weekend. Apparently, there’s something wrong with our washing machine drum or whatever the outside of the turny thing you put your clothes in is called. When we removed what we thought should have been clean clothes, an oily like film was on some of them. After we cleaned the inside and outside of the drum, it went away.
However, some pillows my son had washed were slightly ruined with a few stains of the oily film. I discovered when I wiped the oily stuff on the pillows with bleach wipes, it came off easily. So, after cleaning the inside of the tub and all around the tub, then rewashing the pillows, the stain was removed.
Now, it was work wiping the oily stains off with bleach wipes. But, because we liked the pillows, I thought they were worth the work of cleaning instead of immediately throwing them away (or discarding them). I discovered in the wiping, however, that one was too stained to care about salvaging. I tried, but the oil had penetrated the pillow too deeply to be salvaged.
Now, this analogy is significant because in the past few weeks, I have been having conversations with and praying for my sons who have both been dealing with betrayal from those they thought were friends. They have acquired my character flaw (which is really a defense mechanism of self-preservation) in coming to terms with the betrayal. A few were really close friends who are being negatively influenced by the wrong crowd, but the others are just idiots (yeah I said it).
Here’s where God spoke to me in an instant about my character flaw I mentioned earlier while I was wiping those pillows…. Just as I felt each of those stained pillows were worthy enough to be cleaned and were worth the time, work, and effort I put in to wipe away the stains (even the ones with the tougher oil stain), God feels the same for his children and sent his own son to clean away our past, present, and future sin.
How often has God not discarded me in the midst of my own uncleanliness? How worthy did God think I was to patiently prune me and wash me that I might reflect him more? Wasn’t I worth the time? The effort?
As I mentioned, I am a work in progress when it comes to discarding people. As I also mentioned, God constantly holds up a mirror of himself to us through his word, when our flesh conflicts with his standard. God’s word is a constant reminder to us of how it is through us, Christ’s ambassadors, that God shows others his love. And, how can we exhibit a love we don’t reflect inside and out?
Titus reminds us Christ gave himself for us to “redeem us from ALL iniquity to purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works’ (2:14)! NOT discarding people who wrong us is peculiar. Loving people as Christ loved the church and choosing to be kind despite their unkindness is both peculiar and acting zealously for the kingdom!
And, yes, I discarded a pillow that could not be cleaned. But, I can do that with a pillow. God wants that all men should come into the knowledge of the truth. Let him guide you on when to “dust your feet off.” Otherwise, remember, each person was created with a purpose in God’s mind. And, to him, we are all worthy of the effort. Trust him in the process. You (we) just continue to act in love…even if sometimes that love is from afar. 😉
